As I scour pregnancy and baby blogs, it is easy to see all of the positive things about such a special time. People seem to love it and I think that there is a feeling that if you dont, there is something wrong with you. Since I have always wanted kids so badly, I guess I just sort of assumed that I would be someone who loved the entire pregnancy experience. And I really do enjoy most of it, I love knowing that there is life inside of me and that in a little over 5 months I will have a precious little baby to care for. But there is just a part of this whole thing that I am having a pretty big struggle with: the weight gain!
Maybe because for as long as I can remember, everytime I got on a scale I wanted it to be lower than it was the time before. I think that unknowingly, dieting for so long can really make this part of pregnancy hard. Of course the baby is growing and needing you to gain weight, and I know this, but it is still hard to deal with the scale rising up and belly growing out. It is just not what my mind is used to and I think thats where the internal struggle is.
I eat my fair share but don't over do it. I exercise and even started running and weights again (just 1.5 miles of running, combined with walking high incline and 15 minutes of weights/squats/lunges). I haven't even put on 10 pounds yet, but when I look in the mirror or just look down I do not fee llike myself. I do not feel attractive at all and have really let it get me down! I honestly look at everyone around me and think that they look better than I.
I am trying to turn this all around, but just find it interesting that nobody else seems to express the 'hardships' that come along with pregnancy. It is not all puppies and rainbows and you are really going through a big change - add in raging hormones and you can see why Ive cried in the car, the shower and my desk over this problem which really should be a no issue!
Anyway, I didnt want to write only about the good but all sides of what I am experiencing. I am excited, nervous, anxious and so happy about our baby and know that as I continue through everything things will change and I will, of course, be ok.